Thoughts on gayness...

Ok. So just about every forum I go to, and every web page I read, has been talking about Clay Aiken coming out this week.

I think I'm among the 1% of people who were actually surprised. Ok, so he seemed a little gay, and the way he was having his child seemed a little uncoventional (yet wonderful, babies always are, no matter how they're concieved! :) )
So I'd wondered, but because he denied it so strenuously in the past (or at least his fans did, who I spoke to!) I kind of believed him. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, because a lot of people are accused of a lot of things in this world, and often the rumors really aren't true. Which is why it sucks that he lied. Because it kind of reflects badly on people in general, when someone does that. I'm less likely to believe the next person who says he isn't gay, and that person might actually be telling the truth!

That said, I can imagine coming out must be one of the hardest things to do. How confusing and frustrating would it be to suddenly realise that you're never going to be able to have a traditional marriage and children? To realise the people you love may never accept you for who you really are? How, as a Christian, would you reconcile it with your religious beliefs? It must be so difficult.
I feel sympathetic because I know what it's like to love someone you're not supposed to love. You don't choose who you fall for. In fact, I don't think we're even attracted to people based on what body parts they have- when you have a real connection with someone, that's based on their heart and soul. That has no gender.

It sucks that there's so much judgement. I know the Bible says it's wrong, but the Bible also justifies people killing one another, requests rituals nobody performs anymore these days, and, in Sirach, the part I'm reading now- it says a lot of very very strange and contradictory things. (Read it and explain to me, if you will.) I don't want to believe that God would reject his people simply for loving. I'm not even talking about promiscuity, just real relationships. I feel bad even saying this, but I guess you have to question your faith at times to strengthen it. I really want to understand things from a Christian viewpoint, but this, I just can't.
People say it's unnatural, then how do you explain wild animals having homosexual relationships? How do you explain the fact that so many straight couples struggle to have babies?
And if people say gay marriage is ruining the sanctity of marriage- well, 50% of straight marriages end in divorce. I think the sanctity is already ruined.

Can you tell that this made me think? I'm not saying I'm gay, by any means. But a lot of my friends are. And they're good people. I used to have a recurring nightmare that I was about to marry someone I didn't love and live a lie forever, just because it seemed like the "right thing to do." I always woke up feeling really awful. I guess that's how a lot of people actually live, and that's a scary thought. I hope someday I fall in love with a great guy and marry him because I want to, and for no other reason. But if that never happens, I guess it's not meant to be. Anyway, I'm done thinking and typing :) I wish all gay and non-gay people all the best and all the happiness possible!

Red Velvet Cake!

I just finished making a Red Velvet Cake for my Mama's Birthday tomorrow. Yummy. It's everyone's favourite around here. I never knew what it was (well, I'm not from Texas) until Jess and Nick had it as one of the layers on their wedding cake. (It's her favourite!) Someone gave me this recipe back then and I've been using it ever since. I wish I could give proper credit but I'm not sure exactly where it came from. :( The pic is not of the one I made either, I just found it online. Too tired from cooking to take a pic and upload it! LOL. Sorry. :S

Ingredients.

Cake
2 1/4 Cups Sifted Cake Flour
2 Tablespoons Cocoa Powder
1 teaspoon Baking Powder
1 teaspoon Baking Soda
1/2 teaspoon Salt
1 Cup Milk
1 Tablespoon Red Food Colouring
1 teaspoon Distilled White Vinegar
1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract
1 1/2 Cups Sugar
1/2 Cup Butter
2 Eggs

Icing
450 Grams Cream Cheese
1/2 Cup Butter
1 Tablespoon Vanilla Extract
2 1/2 Cups Icing Sugar

300 Grams Mixed Berries

Method.

1. Preheat oven to 180°C. Butter and flour two 9 inch diameter cake pans with 1 1/2 inch high sides.
2. Sift flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, baking soda and salt into a medium bowl.
3. Whisk milk, food colouring, vinegar, and vanilla in a small bowl.
4.Using electric mixer, beat sugar and butter in large bowl until well blended. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.
5. Beat in dry ingredients in 4 additions, alternately with milk mixture in 3 additions.
6. Divide batter between prepared pans. Bake cakes about 30 minutes, until inserted skewer comes out clean.
7. Cool for 10 minutes in pans before turning out and allowing to cool completely.
8. Frosting- beat cream cheese and butter in a large bowl until smooth. Beat in vanilla. Add icing sugar and beat until smooth.
9. Place 1 cake on a platter, flat side up. Spread 1 Cup of frosting over top of cake. Arange half the berries on top.
10. Place second cake on top of the first, flat side down. Spread the rest of the icing on top of the cake and down the sides
11. Arrange the rest of the berries on top.

Being a kid...

Ah...Sunday. Usually I hate Sundays because it means tomorrow is Monday. But I have a day off tomorrow. And.... "When life is like a hurricane, flying off the rails like a fast train, everything around me's so insane, you come and take it all away...You're My Sundayyyy...." (Jessica song. I love it :) ) Well, Church this morning, and then I went to the local fair. Cotton canddyyyyy. And ice cream. Then I came home, everyone was out today so I was having some peaceful time, practiced some French, etc. Life's been so busy lately, and I haven't had a decent amound of sleep in about 2 weeks! I kind of hate that when there's no time to stop and think, and focus on everything you really care about! It's so frustrating and you end up getting run down and sick sometimes. We have lots of Birthdays coming up, sick relatives still, and life's changing so it isn't about to slow down either, I don't think. I miss the innocence and simplicity of life sometimes. Anyway...leaving you with a pic...me as a fairy haha! It's from a charity event I did a few years ago, for sick children. I was looking though Mum's photos and randomly found it.

Jordin Sparks!

So I've been a fan of Jordin since I saw her first audition on American Idol last year. She's probably my all time favourite contestant on any Idol show, though I do like Kelly and Carrie too. I don't watch it anymore, because Australian Idol is basically crap, and American Idol...well, it'd take several blogs to truly explain all the s*** that went on, regarding why I no longer watch that! Anyway. I've seen Kelly in concert before, and Jordin was in Australia on a 5 day promotional visit this week. She had a show Wednesday night at the Factory Theatre. It was only announced 2 weeks in advance so it was a complete surprise. Mum was going to come with me, but as Opa was readmitted to hospital that morning, she couldn't, and somehow Dad managed to talk Matt, my brother, into coming with me. Dad drove us to Enmore without us getting too lost. And then the "fun" started. Ok. The venue basically sucks. We had to wait outside in the freezing cold for half an hour with planes flying over our heads (literally!) before they even opened the doors. Once we were in we found out that it wasn't even a seated concert- the tickets said "unreserved seating"...which would imply that while it is unreserved, there is seating- but there wasn't, it was just a bunch of people drinking and standing around on a dance floor. I'm not even sure how many of these people were fans, and how many were more interested in a night out, a chat, and some alcohol! It was so weird. It took half an hour for the support act to even start. He was ok. Then another break. Was meant to be half an hour, but Jordin came on 15 minutes early with 3 band guys. She sang One Step At A Time, Just For The Record, Falling, Freeze, Now You Tell Me, Tattoo, Superstition, God Loves Ugly, Permanent Monday, Give Me One Reason To Stay Here, No Air, and for her encore, Aint No Other Man. She chatted a bit about how excited she was to be here and was so sweet. Introduced the songs and told us what some of them are about (Freeze is about how life goes so fast and telling people you love them, Now You Tell Me is about a guy she knew back in Arizona, etc.) God Loves Ugly was really emotional. Superstition got messed up because the band guys were meant to sing parts but their microphones weren't switched on. She is sooo amazingly talented though, definitely one of the best singers I've ever heard! She hits and holds the notes and I don't know where it comes from LOL! So even though Matt pretty much hates me for making him go, and the night was a little frustrating, it was definitely worth it in the end!

Never Dream Alone

This has to be my favourite Ashlee song. It's nothing like any of her other music, but it's so simple and beautiful. Everyone should listen to it- there are lots of links on YouTube and other places. Apparently she wrote it for her husband, but the lyrics are just perfect for anyone you love...I wonder if she'll sing it to her son when he's born...I love babies, and I love watching people be pregnant, famous or not- it's just such a magical thing! :)


In the cold
In the cold winter
Under the full moon
Like a midnight sun
In the cold winter
Underneath the stars
Fall asleep
With my hand on your heart
I won't let it skip a beat
In the cold
In the cold winter

Hey love
I won't hurt you
Night will come and go
I won't hurt you
You'll Never Dream Alone

Dreams
Dreams in a vivid slumber
We're connected
When I hold my breath
You're the only one
Who knows how to wake me
And underneath the stars
Fall asleep
With your hand on my heart
You won't let it skip a beat
In the cold
In the cold, cold winter

Hey love
I won't hurt you
Nights will come and go
I won't hurt you
You'll never dream alone

I won't hurt you
Nights will come and go
I won't hurt you
You'll never dream alone.

Let's call it....Fathers' Day.

I know it was 3 months ago in the US, but it was 2 days ago here. Something to do with Spring? The moon? I don't know. I got my Daddy an ITunes Voucher and a pen which is a pelican. (I have developed an obsession with buying pens for no reason, this past week. How odd.) I got Opa some cookies, and we visited him in hospital. He came home yesterday though, yay! Ever since he's been living with us I guess we've become closer because I really missed him (and Mum, who stayed with him) while they were gone! I didn't get to see Grandad, but sent a message, and didn't go to Church but did some at home Bible study. There are a lot of Fathers in my life, when I think about it!
Another thing that has taken up some time in the past week and a half is watching the entire Third Season of 7th Heaven. Ok, I love that show. It's my second favourite (after Friends), I started watching when Ashlee Simpson joined the cast, and never stopped watching- now that it's finished, I'm buying DVDs and seeing the old episodes. It makes me laugh and cry alllll the time! I know a lot of people think it's cheesy, but I love the values that the show supports and the fact that most the time, it gives you a happy ending.
Something that's been on my mind...the relationship women have with each other. I have some great female friends, I'm very close with my Mummy and I hope more than anything to have daughters someday. But just observing society, I find it awful, the amount of women who put others down in an attempt to feel better about themselves. The way they gossip, compete, and try to steal each others boyfriends. So, men fight wars together and women fight against each other for no damn reason? Why can't we accept that we are all different, rather than trying to all be the same? Why are girls hating each other so much, and hating themselves? It really sucks. I have many more thoughts on the matter, but I'm tired, and sick of thinking about it so I'm going to sleep.

Jessica's New CD...

Coming soon! :D :D

Ramblings...

It's about nothing, in the end.
It really just came out of a mood I've been in.

I feel like a child tonight
Not a writer of song
Far from anyone to admire
Just not feeling strong
Fight or fight against
To wait or to walk
I haven't seen you in days
Now I don't want to talk
The tears have come
And they have gone
You're lying beside me
But I'm alone
Why do you make me
Feel so vulnerable
Just when I need you
To be my rock
Why do you have to love me
When all my passion is gone?