New Years Resolutions...

Just because everybody asks everybody a million times, at this time of year. I don't make them. Nobody is perfect and we never will be. Why put pressure on yourself and guilt yourself when you fail to be? If there's something you want to change in your life, fine- but I don't think a new year needs to start, for that. Just try, and if you mess up, try again. It doesn't have to be such a big deal where you fixate every day on not "breaking your resolution." :) It drives me especially crazy how millions of people go all crazy about diets at this time of year. They don't work...when is society going to realise that? All they do is make you miserable, and in the long run they're not maintainable anyway- the goal should be just to be healthy and happy, rather than to never have chocolate again, or to look a certain way. ;) I've seen too many bad situations over stuff like that, and I'm determined not to get involved!! Well I better get ready to go to Thea's, so Happy New Years Eve, I'll write again next year!! 2008 was good. I hope 2009 will be too :) :)

There was a leaf in my pool...

...And I thought it was kind of pretty in a way, so I took a photo. I like photos lately. Time goes so fast, and it's a way to hold on to the memories, I'm finding.
Matt and I went swimming this afternoon. When I was a kid, I loved swimming pools so much I would go in when it was only 16 degrees. No chance I would do that now! The water was 27 degrees today and it was almost still too cold for me! I think the reason I don't like pools too much these days is mainly because my hair is so long that it takes like, an hour to get all the chlorine out and condition it, every time. I do love the beach though, and swimming (or walking, rather) in the ocean. Ever since I was a little kid, we've always spent most of January down the South Coast. For a number of reasons (Opa's health, work commitments etc) we can't go in 2009- which has left Dad and I feeling a bit lost! We're so used to it being "Ok Christmas is over, now hurry up and pack for the trip!" This year it's "Ok Christmas is over....now what?" Maybe I'll just go to the beach in Sydney one day.

The Shack.

Over the past few months, I've had several people recommend this book to me. As soon as I read the plot summary (see www.theshackbook.com) I knew I wanted to read it, but I only got around to finishing it yesterday.
So here goes, my thoughts /opinions /book review...

The first part was horrible- not that it was badly written, or that there was anything wrong with the plot, it was just so SAD. A child being murdered is the most unthinkable thing. Unfortunately though, tragedies like that do happen. And it had to happen to that character, or the book wouldn't exist. When I got to the part where Mackenzie receives a note from "God", I almost didn't want to keep reading. I can honestly tell you that if I received a note like that, inviting me back to the place my daughter was murdered, I definitely would not be going. As much faith as anyone can have in God, there's a certain amount of faith we cannot have in humans. Humans like the ones who murder people, and could have left the note, planning a cruel or even violent prank. But then if the character was anything like me, the book would only be 60 pages long. So we just have to go with it, I guess. By the way, you should probably stop reading this blog entry here if you haven't read the book and you're planning to, because I don't want to ruin the plot for you.

So Mackenzie is at the Shack and he meets God- three characters, who represent the Holy Trinity. I actually liked the way God was portrayed through these characters. (They say God had no particular gender, no race etc...who knows, he could have made himself into a black woman or a Chinese lady if he wanted to!) I know some people didn't like that, but it really didn't bother me. We honestly don't know, at the end of our lives, how God will appear to us, and these characters were likable enough and served their purpose for the book. The same goes for some of the events, such as the "meeting of friends" chapter. Even if those events never happen exactly that way, it's a nice metaphor. It's a work of fiction and the author is being creative to make a valid point. I'm saying this in response to some bad reviews I read, that claim it's not exactly "true to the Bible." Well, this is fiction, and the Bible is not. I think it just needs to be read with an open mind, so we can consider the possibilities, but also our own views. Some people are asking, "Could a story like this possibly be real?" Although the story was made up, I do believe God can communicate with us through supernatural experiences, and definitely through dreams. I think it did a good job of explaining a lot of basic Christian values, and out of everything I've read in attempt to answer the big question that the book is based on: "Where is God in a World so filled with unspeakable pain?" So far this has come closer than anything else to actually answering that question for me, even though there is still so much we will never understand- and then we just have to have faith. The only thing that I felt a bit conflicted about, was the portrayal of God the Father- the book spent a bit of time explaining that God is not the harsh dictator we think He is, judging us and laying down the law. It even suggests we don't need to live by the commandments. I've heard similar views before, but after reading most of the Old Testament, I don't quite know where these views of a gentle, kind God are coming from. I know Jesus is gentle and kind, but God, even though He loves us- always seems kind of ...angry...to me. I would like to see God the way the book does, as a loving, all forgiving, non-judgmental parent, but I really don't. I just don't know that I believe He is like that.

Anyway, after I finished reading, my first thought was that the Church, and Christians should be pleased to have a book with these messages, becoming so successful. But after Googling for a while, it seems they're not, and it's actually quite obvious why- the book states that while Jesus loves his "church", by that he means His people having a relationship with each other, and most importantly with Him. It says that it's not about the walls and the place of worship, the institution, the religious leaders and the expectations we have of each other. The real message of Jesus gets lost in us trying to figure out who to listen to, which denomination to turn to, and trying to please other humans instead of God. The Church is obviously not going to like a popular and successful book telling people they don't need the Church. But I actually agree with the book on this one. Church can be a good thing, but there's no point going through the motions every Sunday if the rest of the week you don't think of God at all. And it so often just distracts us from actually communicating with God in our own lives because we're too busy doing whatever the Church told us to do.

Either way, I would recommend people read it. Even if it doesn't change your life, it will at least make you think. :)

Happy Boxing Day!

I don't know if it has anything to do with boxes. Actually, when I was a little kid, I thought it was about boxing, the sport! But I don't think that's true. We had Dad's side of the family over today...well, Grandad, Dad's Brother and his son, and one of his three sisters. Geography, divorce, people working, and people having passed away cut down the numbers from what could have been 19 people, to 7. But it's ok, it was overwhelming enough. Unfortunately, there's been a lot of drama in the family, so for years we didn't see them at all. It's good that we can at least spend some time together around Christmas, now. I kind of spent most of the day sleeping and resting though, I'm so tired and I was/am feeling a bit sick today. And I rarely ever sleep at all during the day. I don't shop on Boxing Day either, I hear people get too crazy with the sales, and while I like Delta, I had no desire to be in the city at 6am to see her. I don't even know how anyone managed to get up for that, I was safely asleep in my bed. Well I better go, almost Dinner time- the past 3 days have just been prepare meal, eat meal, clean up meal, prepare next meal, eat meal, clean again, etc etc etc lol.

Merry Christmas Day!

Merry Christmas! Joyeux Noel! Feliz Navidad! Frohe Wiehnachten!

We started the day with a family breakfast, then giving each other gifts. I got DVDs, CDs, books, a hair straightener, a French calendar and a lot of chocolate. I really didn't have any expectations- I was excited about giving Mum, Dad, Matt and Opa what I chose for them but I didn't think I was gonna get all that stuff so it was sweet of them! My pets, half liked their gifts and half are...scared of their gifts lol which makes me feel mean! We had a family lunch, watched "March of the Penguins"- everyone but me fell asleep. This happens every year without fail, that I am the only one left awake! We had a family dinner...and the time went really fast, it feels like we didn't do much today but preparing it all took time. It's about 10pm now and it was a pretty good day! Hope everyone out there had a good day too :)

Happy Christmas Eve!

That is our table. We're having out Christmas Eve celebration with Mum's side of the family tonight, celebrating on the 24th as they do in Germany :) I have guests (well, my Aunt and Uncle) downstairs so I'll have to make this quick. I made trifle, put out snacks, watched Celine on Oprah (cried), went to the shops (crazy!) for more ingredients, and decorated myself red and green, today. The whole family pretty much argued all day and most of us ended up crying, which is kind of stupid, but it seems to always happen. I think there's just too much pressure and no such thing as perfection. Emotions run too high at this time of year and result in phrases like "Get out of the &^%$^&** kitchen", "Just because you're a man doesn't excuse you sitting on the couch and refusing to help while the women do all the work" and Mum screaming at Matthew, "WHY don't you know how to carve a ham? You should know!" When I was little we used to go to my Omi and Opa's house. Matt and I would do a play every year, Omi would try to force us all to sing "Silent Night" before dinner, if it was warm enough we'd swim in the pool at night, and we'd get to open most of our presents before bed. It was so magical. I miss her, especially at Christmas. Anyway it's just about time for dinner so MERRY CHRISTMAS from me to the world!!! :) <3 oxoxoxo

Celine...2008.

This is a little survey thing we did on the Celine Channel Forum. Just thought I'd post my answers here too, so I can look back on it one day :)

Favourite song/album overall
Album- Taking Chances. I like that there are several different types of songs on there, the beautiful ballads, the more uptempo stuff etc- she can sing anything! I also like My Love, though, it sort of has the best bits of all the albums.
Song- On S'est Aime A Cause. Something about that song kind of sums up life, to me. How love means compromise, sacrifice, we may change, but we stand by the people we care about.

Favourite new Céline item you got or bought
The tour program. smile.gif Unless the actual concert tickets count.

Best performance on TV
The Quebec 400th concert. I don't speak French. I didn't know much about Quebec at all. But this whole thing inspired me to learn more of the language and more about Celine's culture. I loved seeing how much this event touched her, and loved seeing her with her family and the way she's never forgotten where she's from and where her loyalties are.

Best concert experience(s)
April 5th and 6th, Sydney. It was totally worth the wait. ;) She's just amazing.

Best personal moment
I don't really have one. :-/

Favourite funny Celine moment
This one's really hard. Probably the Rachael Ray interview. She was just so hyper.

So today I am home. I wish I knew if I was working or not tomorrow- I don't know if I have to get a lot done today, or if I can spread it out. Dad's having surgery on his toe, Mum took him to the hospital and I am here taking care of Opa who is sleeping. I did some washing, tried to clean the house and I have to make a rocky road Christmas Tree soon. What else...lots of famous people's special dates lately, it was Celine and Rene's wedding anniversary on the 17th, Natalie Grant's Birthday on the 21st and Jordin's on the 22nd. So congratulations to all the world. Lol.
Well I think I'm gonna go do stuff and listen to Celine's "These Are Special Times" album now! :D

Carols in the Domain!

My candle.

The city.

Thea, Mel, Heather and Dj.

Jake.

Fireworks!

Delta- this one is not taken by me, my pics of her didn't turn out too good so this one is a screencap from Tv.

Yay! I went to Carols in the Domain last night! I think I mentioned recently that it was one of the things on my "to do in life" list. It was especially great because Delta was performing, and I got to go with some of my best friends! :)
Mel picked me and Dj and Heather up about 1.30pm. We met Lauren, Libby (and baby Jake), Thea, Cassie and Louise there. We set up our tarps, picnic rugs, small chairs, etc and then entertained ourselves for many hours...some of us read (I'm still trying to finish "Cockatiels For Dummies" LOL), chatted, Thea fell asleep I think...we got some "candle bags" which contained much more than candles- random foods, hair products, dog products, even toilet paper, crappy magazines etc. Well it kept me amused. I went camera happy and took 94 photos. Thankfully it only rained lightly when we arrived, so we didn't get too wet, and it stayed cloudy so it wasn't too hot. When it started to get dark we had blankets and lit candles to keep us warm. There was a huge crowd, but most people were pretty respectful so the atmosphere was good. Candles scare me a bit, especially with so many kids around, and I did see one person set their hair on fire which was a bit scary.
Anyway the show started about 8.30pm when it was just getting dark. We were pretty far from the stage but there were screens so we could watch what was happening. And we had a pretty nice view of the city at night- I love the city. It's kind of beautiful. I love how there are always lights on, always something happening. It's a place that you can be kind of anonymous, but not so much feel lonely. Just thoughts.
So there were a lot of performers, from Australian Idol, some other Tv shows etc. But Delta, she sang O Holy Night, and Silent Night (glad it was dark for that one! I got a little emotional...it was my Grandma's favourite song <3 ) She also sang O Happy Day with Brian, and sang in the group medley at the end. Brian sang Happy Christmas/War Is Over, too. They did a really good job, some of those songs are not so easy! There were fireworks at the start and the end- at the start, it scared all the bats out of the trees which was somewhere between creepy and funny! It ended about 11pm and I think I got home about 12.30am. Unpacked (I am trying to stay organised!) and went to sleep, only to wake up for Church this morning. Yep, I actually made myself go this week, yay. I kind of got out of the habit. Anyway I am rambling so I will add photos and post this!!

I don't want to be like Scrooge...or the Grinch....

...But I hate working in a mall, at Christmas time. Crowds make me nervous, and all the stressed, moody shoppers put me in a bad mood. I try to stay positive but it's like any Christmas Cheer gets drowned out by people yelling and everything taking so long. My boss was cranky today too, which was less than pleasant. I had to do grocery shopping (again...) after work with Matt and Dad, but it was like 6.30pm by then so it wasn't too bad.
But that's not really my point. I love all Christmas traditions, lights and trees are beautiful. Seeing family and friends is a good thing to do. I love Christmas carols (until the mall plays Frosty the Snowman 11 billion times a day and you start to wish he'd just melt so you could work in silence...) Presents are always nice. But what about Jesus's Birthday? What does he think of that fact that the whole world made such a huge deal about his Birthday...and in the process, forgot about him? I'm sure he wouldn't want us to be so stressed over the details. People who aren't even Christians celebrate. And that's fine, but shouldn't they at least recognize the purpose, for a second? And what about us Christians...why is it that so many of us end up "making time" to go to Church...shouldn't we be working out all out other plans, around church, rather than "squeezing it in" to our "schedules"...which is really the life He gave us? Even though I've always known this is true, it's really hard to internalize the concept.
So I came home and now I have to think about tomorrow (Carols in the Domain)- I hate packing bags, for anywhere (what am I gonna do when we move?) It makes me feel...insane. But I managed to do it, more than 5 minutes before I have to leave which is a little bit of a miracle.
And I just realised one of my socks on my feet is inside out. Goodnight.

Sky Blue and Black...

I was listening to this song last night, and it kind of made me cry. I just think it's such a beautiful expression of love. It was played in the first ever episode of Friends...Anyway here are the lyrics, it's by Jackson Browne (who I hadn't heard of before today?)

In the calling out to one another
Of the lovers up and down the strand
In the sound of the waves and the cries
Of the seagulls circling the sand
In the fragments of the songs
Carried down the wind from some radio
In the murmuring of the city in the distance
Ominous and low

I hear the sound of the world where we played
And the far too simple beauty
Of the promises we made

If you ever need holding
Call my name, I'll be there
If you ever need holding
And no holding back, I'll see you through
Sky Blue and Black

Where the touch of the lover ends
And the soul of the friend begins
Theres a need to be separate and a need to be one
And a struggle neither wins
Where you gave me the world I was in
And a place I could make a stand
I could never see how you doubted me
When I'd let go of your hand

Yeah, and I was much younger then
And I must have thought that I would know
If things were going to end

And the heavens were rolling
Like a wheel on a track
And our sky was unfolding
And it'll never fold back
Sky Blue and Black

And I'd have fought the world for you
If I thought that you wanted me to
Or put aside what was true or untrue
If Id known thats what you needed
What you needed me to do

But the moment has passed by me now
To have put away my pride
And just come through for you somehow

If you ever need holding
Call my name, I'll be there
If you ever need holding
And no holding back, I'll see you through

You're the color of the sky
Reflected in each store-front window pane
Youre the whispering and the sighing
Of my tires in the rain
You're the hidden cost and the thing thats lost
In everything I do
Yeah and I'll never stop looking for you
In the sunlight and the shadows
And the faces on the avenue
That's the way love is
That's the way love is
That's the way love is
Sky Blue and Black

2008 Survey.

1) Where did you begin 2008? At Thea's house.

2) What was your status by Valentine's Day? Single and fine with it.

3) Were you in school (anytime this year)? No.

4) How did you earn your money? By working.

5) Did you have to go to the hospital? Only to visit people.

6) Did you have any encounters with the police? No.

7) Where did you go on vacation? South Coast.

8) What did you purchase that was over $1000? Nothing that I remember.

9) Did you know anybody who got married? No.
But Pete and Ashlee did!

10) Did you know anybody who passed away? My bunny and 2 of my birdies :(

12) Did you move anywhere? No.

14) What concerts/shows did you go to? Celine twice, Delta twice, and Jordin Sparks once.

15) Are you registered to vote? Yeah, it's compulsary here, which sucks.

16) Who did you want to win Big Brother? I didn't watch it.

17) Where do you live now? In a house with my family.

18) Describe your birthday? I was sick. Mum took me out to lunch and I pretty much slept all day otherwise. Had a very small party a week later.

19) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2008? See Celine! :) And I'm sure there are many others. I don't usually "think" I will do anything so most things surprise me when I do them haha.

20) What has been your favorite moment? Celine!

21) What's something you learned about yourself? Hmm...I get scared when I care about someone too much? And that nobody is perfect and you can't really ask them to be, you have to love them as they are or there's no point.

23) What was your best month? I don't know.

25) Who has been your best drinking buddy? I don't drink.

26) Made new friends? Sure!


And I don't know what happened to number 24.

My Christmas Babies...

Photos for cards...and outtakes!!! I know some of them are gigantic..if you go to the url you'll be able to see the whole image. I don't know how to fix it on here...

Valentine:


Ruby:






Missy:


Peter:


Belle:

Jessica!

I've been a fan for 9 years today. No, I don't have a fantastic memory, just an obsessive need to always keep diaries, hence I figured out the exact date. ;) Well, she's not the person she was back then, so much has happened, but I could never stop caring. She and her music helped me through one of the hardest times in my life when I was 13. I'm thankful for that. :)

The Notebook.

I LOVE this movie. Every time. I'm bawling. I watched half an hour of that Dark Knight Batman thing, decided it was too confusing and violent, and put this Dvd on instead.

"I have loved another with all my heart and soul, and for me that has always been enough."

"Summer romances end for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done they have one thing in common. They are shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light from the heavens, a fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they are gone."

"Now you know I want to give you all the things that you want, right? But I can't, because they're gone. They're broken. alright?"

"That's what we do, we fight, you tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a b*tch, and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass, which you are 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings, you have like, a 2 second rebound rate and you're back doing the next pain the ass thing."

"So it's not gonna be easy, it's gonna be really hard, and we're gonna have to work at this every day, but I wanna do that because I want you. I want all of you forever, you and me every day."

"The best kind of love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our heart, and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given to me. That's what I'd hoped to give to you forever."

Oh Christmas Tree....

Just because I spent about a billion hours putting these up and decorating them, I have to post them.
The first one is mine, the second one is the family tree downstars.
The Angel on top of my tree is my Mum's and the nativty set underneath was my Grandma's, by the way.
Now can I just say, there always has to be lights but they are such a pain in my @$$! I was going to get 100 per tree, but thankfully I stuck with 50 on each and that made me lose my mind enough. It's gotta be one of the most annoying parts of Christmas, arranging them, sticking them on at the right angle, making them reach the power point, ruining you fingernails in the process.
I don't do themes with ornaments- I always put all of them on, every year, because I think they all have so many memories attached to each of them
I change the tinsel and garland every year on mine, though. I had a gold and silver theme last year, pink the year before, and red and green the year before that. This year, the idea was snow but I sort of think it came out looking a bit messy? Oh well.
Enough tree rambling.

New Phone.

I had to get a new phone this morning. The one I had for 2 years unexplainably broke yesterday. It was fine when I went to bed, but when I woke up in the morning it seemed the battery had run out- and then it wouldn't charge!
So I called the customer service help line- it seemed to be some guy in India. Now I have nothing against Indians, but for a product I bought in Australia...why?? And no offense, but he was a little hard to understand. So I told him the problem and he said "Ohh. That's bad." Yes I know it's bad, that's why I'm calling you, dinkus. He didn't say anything for a while. Then he told me to clean it and check that the powerpoint was working- um, I already did that! It does not work! Then he tells me to take it in for service, but before I do, be sure to back up all my information- umm I just told you, IT WON'T TURN ON! So I can't back up the info, can I? Grrrr!
So this morning we took it in for service, only to be told that because it's past the warranty, it may be expensive to fix, they may not even be able to fix it, and if they can, it may just break again. But they offered me a new one for free if I renewed the contract, which I didn't really want to do, but I need a phone, I'm pretty much lost without one! So after about 50 minutes of waiting for the guy to figure out what on Earth he was doing, I have a new phone. It looks something like the one in the pic. I don't like it's blackness much, my old one was pink, and I love pinkness. But oh well, I'll get used to it. And the internet works better on this one anyway.

Happy St. Nicholas Day!

My Mum was born in Germany, and moved to Australia only when she was 2. Raised by my German Grandparents, she didn't even speak English until she started school. So German traditions have always been a part of her, and my life- especially at Christmas! This means KKs, gifts on Christmas Eve, and stockings filled on St. Nicholas Day! (Today.) We're so disorganised this year though, that we didn't really do the stockings, just gave each other small gifts- it's the thought that counts. :) Mum bought little Christmas ornaments though, and put them in the pet's stockings, which was sweet of her.
We spent pretty much all day cleaning, me, Mum and Aunty Ellie. Matt was at work, Dad conviniently at the car races and Opa slept all day. I feel so absentminded though, maybe I'm tired. But hey, the house is finally decorated and clean!
My Aunt and Uncle and Cousins are over now having a pizza night, and I'm taking a break from small talk, in my room.

Bad day...but more poetry stuff.

Ugh. It just sucked. Between abusive customers, a longish shift with no breaks, it being Thursday and me being busy and tired, and me tripping over a tree root... I did not like today. Anyway here's some more stuff I wrote. Not today, I wrote it a while ago. I'm just posting it now.


Bruised Knees and Broken Hearts.

Sitting on the roof above the world
Wishing I was still a little girl
A blanket in my hand and a song in my heart
Just want to be untouchable under the stars
Do you remember the days running so fast
You thought you could fly?
When you'd feel safe to fall asleep
Under the midnight sky?

Being found by a dream is the easy part
Then come the Bruised Knees and Broken Hearts
You pick up the pieces to find yourself back at the start
And life goes on even when you want to fall apart.

I know you feel like you can never win with me
And that's probably true
But it doesn't mean that I don't want you here
You should know by now that I do
So you climbed a million stairs
To find you're only half way
I know it's not so easy
To wrap your arms around me some days

Don't give up
Love comes around.


August Again.

August Again
The storm came and went
I never imagined things
Could be so different

The ice has melted
Now even when it snows
I'm doing so much better
I don't feel so cold

I've come a long way
From your heartache and pain
All the things I'll never know
A romance destined to fail

I will only pray that
The fire that burned our hearts
Can finally bring us life again
And turn our sins to dust

Though we're barely friends
I'm where I belong
The chains are gone
And the past is nothing anymore

Today we have all we need
Both on our own feet
With only a diamond from the ashes
To remind us of days to the wind.

Crème Brûlée

So I finally made Crème brûlée! I've wanted to try it for ages, but it seemed so hard to make and I couldn't find anywhere that sold it. I found a packet mix though, and it wasn't too difficult if you don't mind taking 3 hours to make something that takes 3 minutes to eat! LOL. Anyway it was good. It was one of the things on my list of random things 'to do in a lifetime.' The list also contains ideas such as "meet a penguin" "sit on the roof and write poetry", "go to a carols event" (which I am doing in a few weeks, hopefully), see a waterfall, make chocolate (which I have realised, I cannot do, but I read a book all about it) etc etc. :)
BTW the pic isn't the one I made. Mine didn't turn out too pretty so I didn't bother taking a picture of it.