January thoughts.

This picture is the sunrise on the beach, where we go on holidays every January, that is, where I'd be today if we weren't stuck in Sydney instead. It comes with a very specific memory of getting up at about 4am on the second last day of our trip, and dragging Mum and Dad out of bed. The beach was so beautiful and peaceful- well, except that a whole bunch of seaweed had washed up and attracted a whole bunch of flies, especially to annoy us. Oh, and of course some people just had to complain the whole time. Still, even if you only get your butt out of bed that early once in your life, it's worth the experience. Now I'm being all deep and thoughtful tonight...

Have you ever loved someone, or been passionate about something, in a way that it made you end up hating your life? Ever known how difficult it is to let go and overcome something even though you know it's wrong? Ever felt like so much has happened inside you and there will never be words to make the world understand it? And even after it's over and you're ok, and you can't believe you ever were the person who let all that happen- you still have to live with the scars for the rest of your life? This song reminds me of those feelings, and it often makes me cry.

Kelly Clarkson- "Sober."

And I don't know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing's real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts
I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears
Weighing on me

Three months
And I'm still Sober
Picked all my weeds
But kept the flowers
But I know
It's never really over

And I don't know
I could crash and burn
But maybe
At the end of this road
I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won't worry about my timing
I wanna get it right
No comparing, second guessing
No, not this time

Three months and I'm still breathing
Been a long road
Since those hands I left my tears in
But I know
It's never really over
Wake up

Three months and I'm still standing here
Three months and I'm getting better yeah
Three months and I still am
Three months and it's still harder now
Three months I've been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months I'm over

Three months and I'm still breathing
Three moinths and I still remember it
Three months and wake up

Three months and I'm still Sober
Picked all my weeds
But kept the flowers.