Somewhere in the Middle

I just heard this song on the radio 10 minutes ago. It completely sums up where my mind is right now. I've been a Christian for 22 years, but at the same time, had so many questions. There are things about God that I just don't understand, and that makes it hard to trust him with my life! If I step outside my bubble for a minute, I actually understand why people have such a bad view of Christians. Those who judge others, and those who claim to represent Him but then do the wrong thing really created a bad reputation for Jesus. :( Even when I turned to the Bible instead of people, in light of that, so much of it doesn't even make sense or doesn't seem fair. I'm not sure where to go from here. Jesus is love, God seems cruel. I believe, but I wonder why things couldn't be different.

Anyway, here are the lyrics, it's by the Casting Crowns


Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control?

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control?

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle