Diary entry...

I'm just stressed. Most people my age are trying to juggle partying with work or study. So many times people say "what are you doing on the weekend??"...and they're going to a club while I just a have a list of responsibilities. For a minute today I kind of felt like my life isn't normal. I'm not saying I want to go out partying, I don't, but I'm trying to keep the house organised, help Mum, take care of Opi, and all the pets on my own- plus study and work and I feel like I can't let anything or anyone down. I wouldn't have it any other way because the people and pets I love are my reason for everything- but sometimes it's overwhelming.

I just had to chase Opi down the street (again) in the freezing cold, which wasn't hard since he moves at the pace of a turtle and he only got about 50 metres before he was exhausted. But then he came inside and he said "I have to do that more often so I'll get better at it." Doesn't he realise??? There never is going to be any better than that!!! It's just going to get harder and harder until he can't do it at all, and that's why he really needs to be in bed right now!! His insistance on trying these things makes it so hard to take care of him sometimes- everytime he does it he's in pain for hours afterwards. And what am I meant to say, "don't you remember that you're dying?" I can't do that. Half the time he can't feed himself or construct sentences. And I laugh when he says funny things because if I don't, I'll cry.

And as for life, I'm trying to figure out how on Earth I can start Cert IV in Vet Nursing in July, when I really need to have work in the industry or a volunteer position lined up by now! It's just soooo hard to get into! I sent out like 30 applications in the past few weeks, but nobody seems to be hiring. I had one potential work experience opportunity with the Vet that treats my babies, but I just called and was told he's gone away for 5 weeks and applications will be closed by the time he gets back. It's just confusing...I know this is what I want to do, even if I have to do it the long way, or harder way. But I've always kind of believed that God works things out the way they're meant to be, so that in any moment we're in the right place. Especially with this. So if that's not what I'm meant to do next, what is? My only thoughts at the moment would be to try to get some kind of temporary full time work and save up for Vegas, since I've never been overseas and I really want to see Celine again. But I just watched the new DVD and I know that if I go, I'll likely never want to come home. *Sigh.*

Another reading weekend...

The 4 day weekend starting Friday sounded so good, after my unproductive holidays and the week I had. Unfortunately Mum was sick on Friday, so I spent the entire day taking care of her, Opi, the pets, and doing chores and dealing with the electrician at the same time. I was exhausted by that night, and spent all day yesterday in my pajamas. On the bright side, I got a good amount of reading done...animal industry magazines, and...Marley and Me. For some reason after watching the movie, I wanted to start it again, so I'd be happy and not sad.. but then the end would come again and I'd be sad again, so I thought 'that's ridiculous, I'll read the book instead.' Yeah...except the book is just as sad as the movie! I still haven't finished the budgie book, fish book, and Rene's Bio I started in January. I guess I have a better attention span for less scientific reading materials... they're less frustrating because I'm actually able to finish them in a few days and I don't have to re-read things to understand concepts...anyway, I better get finished online and back to more reading! ANZAC day today, so I hope I'm not working tomorrow! Plenty to do and it's meant to be a public holiday!

Assessments and $2 shops...

Today's class consisted of the assessments that were canceled from last term. Our poor teacher is still really sick and it all ended up being a disorganised mess. After clipping fake fur (successfully!) and waiting around for hours, we were tested on stuff we haven't actually been taught. It was a very stressful day. To make matters worse, there was a dead pig sliced in half that we were meant to inject. It still had its head and feet...the poor thing. :(
On the way home I went to a $2 shop just to buy a cheap picture frame, but ended up buying a cute soap dispenser, little sherbet ice cream cones like the ones my Grandma gave me as a kid, coat hangers and socks (which I go through hundreds of and there's really no point buying expensive ones), stickers, gift wrap, and more of those awesome pet hair removal rolly things. In the end I felt very productive, which is good since I had to come home and take care of Mama and Opi- sick again. We watched more Dog Whisperer...I notice how true those techniques are, even with my non-dog pets. If I was more patient and calm by nature I think it'd be better, but I'm not haha. It really pays to figure out how they communicate. I noticed this with Pete last year when he started hitting me. Someone advised me to gently press on top of his head with my hands, since rabbits get on top of each other to show dominance...and it worked! He hasn't hit me since I started doing that. :)

My Opi...

I want to write more about him. In my diary, and blogs. Just so I always have something to look back at. After work this morning I spent the afternoon taking care of him.
I gave him a snack- a cut up pear. Of course he didn't know what it was and wasn't wearing his hearing aid, so I'm like "It's a pear...a pear... a PEAR! P.E.A.R! Pear!" And he's like "A tear? What?" Ahhhh.
Then tonight he asked me if I eat chicken. Oh Opi. I'm a Vegetarian. You've been living with me for 2 years. You've known me for 23. But he gave us a laugh when he then changed the subject by commenting during a Michael Jackson commercial that "We haven't heard anything new from him lately." Uhhh...yeah...well I'd kinda hope not!
He's so sweet. It's his Birthday in a few weeks, I'm trying to think of something to give him, and learn all the German words I can before our overseas relatives arrive. Wish me luck! So far I can swear pretty well, but I'm limited to: Yes, no, Hello, Goodbye, Goodnight, welcome, shoes, bathtub, bird, rabbit, knife, fork, plate, spoon, potato, head, knee, thank you, I love you, fart, sh*t, you are a small/large pile, a**hole, sleeping, 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10, ducks... and I'm running out!

Not the best day...

It started at 3am. Valentine decided he wanted to play. So I decided that enough was enough, and he and Belle could go sleep in the laundry since I was in pain, and exhausted from not sleeping through the night for 2 weeks. Then of course I felt guilty. But I did get some sleep.
7am was dificult, my hair was seriously vertical, and there was major fog outside to make the morning sooo much more exciting. :S
As soon as Missy woke up she freaked out, not knowing where the budgies were so I had to run downstairs with a mouth full of toothpaste to get them, before her screaming woke everyone up. Weird, since she usually doesn't even like them.
As I was leaving, Opa wasn't well. I was worrying like crazy, but had no choice but to go to class. Thankfully he got better as the day progressed.
So off to TAFE, Cat breeds quiz...none of us had much of an idea, even with the teacher's clues! But I passed. That and my assignment, thank goodness.
The afternoon brought an unexpected lecture from a lady responsible for pet cremation. That was slightly traumatic. She brought far more detail than I will ever need to know, as a Vet Nurse, or as a pet owner. Her comments that "Anglo Saxons have no idea what religion they follow" was kind of offensive, as was her description of how bones are grinded in the cremation process. By the end of it I was like 'ooook so that's what happens to Grandparents...' too much.
Half the class mysteriously seemed to disappear after that. We had a guy from the AWL talk to us, that was fine and interesting.
Then I had to rush home via a pet store to buy rabbit hay since Pete and Ruby are eating 3 times what they usually do, probably due to the weather. The lady tried to tell me what foods rabbits are meant to eat, as if I don't know, but by this point I was just frustrated and she was probably just trying to help.
Almost home and our annoying irresponsible neighbours had their kids and dogs playing on the road again. It's just not safe, and it makes me scared and angry. Then Opa told me not to be angry. Not sure he even knew why I was angry.
Watched TV tonight with birds, Mama, and Opi. Missy thinks Opi is just a very large chew toy. Belle has no idea. And Vallie reminded us why we don't watch TV with him- because he never, ever shuts up.
But I should sleep. And calm down now.

Last night of holidays...

It's the last night of school holidays. Tomorrow morning, back to class. And you know what? The last 2 weeks have been more stressful than class was anyway. :)

For some reason whenever I set out to read a whole pile of stuff, none of it gets done. It's like the pile scares me out of even trying. I've started reading a few animal industry magazines though. I feel like I'll never get through it all, but who can? There's always more where it came from. So the holidays were not uber-productive for me.

Friday was my Mama and Daddy's 33rd Wedding Anniversary. I got sent grocery shopping and discovered that holding a full trolley going downhill is quite similar to walking an untrained Labrador, only it doesn't stop when you say "sit." Getting groceries is somewhat annoying, but I truly believe I do it better then my Mother does. When I do it, "yogurt" becomes "Disney princess yogurt", "Anniversary gift" becomes "Freddo Frog ice cream cake", "Eggs" become "Free range eggs" and "meat" becomes...nothing. "Save the cows."

Saturday I was exhausted and did not get much done at all. I spent the evening watching the I tunes countdown with Matt and being horrified by Lady Gaga and Rhianna. They have talent...why do they need to shock with their videos? Just let the music speak...and oh yeah, think about the little kids that look up to you, once in a while.

Sunday, Ellie was over. I didn't get a whole lot done, just some of the previously mentioned reading.

And today, Monday.. Pet's cages, laundry, again...Celine on Oprah, Mum and Opa still not well. Had a funny conversation with him when he asked for Coca Cola, which he NEVER drinks, because he claims it will "clean his insides out." Would really like to know where he gets his info from, sometimes.
Now I'm sitting with Missy contemplating what else I can get done tonight. She jumped on the keyboard before, so I said "Missy, are you allowed to do that?" And she jumped right off. Smart bird, though irritating when she wants to be. :)

Better go, end ramble. oxoxo.

How time fills itself...

Monday- Job applications. Sent out 24. God, please do the rest. Went shopping. Watched Julie and Julia, Dog Whisperer, Miracle at the Zoo (Elephant special), and Desperate Housewives. Opa came home.
Tuesday- Mum's sick. Did errands. Went to work. Watched Australia's Got Talent. Once again concluded that Australia does NOT have talent.
Wednesday- Work. Pets. Groceries etc.
Thursday- Today. Taking care of Mum and Opa. Both not well. Watched Marley and Me. Depressing. Washed 2 cars. Washed birds. Val wouldn't get in the shower. Missy and Belle wouldn't get out of the shower.
Tomorrow is Friday, I only have 4 days of holidays left, I haven't started my reading pile, it's Mum and Dad's wedding anniversary and I have to take care of Opi again.

Things...

I just discovered that I can follow people's blogs on here. I also discovered that I have a profile. I'm a little technology slow, I guess.

Last night I visited Opi in hospital after work, and Matt and I went today. He sleeps a lot, but I still go because I want him to know I'm there. He hates feeling alone. We got the bad news a few days ago that he has more cancer and very limited options for treatment. I don't really feel like blogging the details, I don't even want to talk about it. I just hate that it's happening and I have no idea how to handle it. I started writing some stuff but it feels too personal to share at the moment. Maybe later.

Other than that, today I cleaned the whole house, did about 5 loads of laundry, watched more dog shows on Tv...and not much else managed to get done.

Staring at a box...

Gosh holidays are boring! None of my friends have holidays at the moment, and my family were all at work or the hospital today. So I was all alone with nothing to do except read (which my brain didn't feel like doing) or watch Tv. After the Price of Beauty in Uganda, Dog Whisperer, and a few shows about pregnancy and giving birth, I went out to see The Last Song. It was good, much better done than Dear John as far as adapting Nicholas Sparks novels goes. I was surprised by how many kids were there since I really don't think it's a kids movie. Some of the themes were far too serious and sad. Then I came home and watched more Dog Whisperer. Now I'm going to do my online stuff and then start reading the animal magazines Mum got me today. :)

Trouble...

What else can we expect from life? Both my Grandpas have been in hospital these past few days, Grandad yesterday but he's home now, and Opi's still in there from this morning. :(
Last night I went to Church group for the first time in ages. Interesting conversations, even though I feel like I don't want to say anything about God anymore. I don't want to listen either. I don't want to question, I don't want answers. I'm sick of hearing about love and hope with strings. Here's salvation, but hey, terms and conditions apply. That stuff. Not that this is referring to the group, not at all, they're awesome people. I just mean religion in general here. :S It was like chasing my tail for so long. I'll never understand it and I just want to be over it now. What will be will be, nobody really has a clue. How do we truly know that what we believe is true and what our neighbor believes is false anyway? We don't. I don't agree with, or really believe the Bible at all, but still believe in God and Jesus. That's where I stand and whether people say I am or am not a Christian because of that, I don't care. I don't pray so much, because I learned the hard way that even a thousand prayers can go unanswered.
Song I'm listening to now: Broken Strings...
"Playing house with the ruins of us."
"Running back through the fire when there's nothing left to save.."
Those lines sum up a lot I think.

P.S. 8 years as a Celine fan today! :) <3

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter to you all from me and my babies! It's also Ruby's 3rd Birthday today, hence the pic of us with her wearing her new dress! :) Come on, it's cute! Pete wore it for a bit too, he's open minded. ;) I won the Easter Egg hunt this morning...pretty easy since nobody else wanted to play, and Mum's idea of hiding eggs means dumping them in plain view on the floor, but hey I <3 chocolate! Then we had a family breakfast and watched Shrek. I'm not sure what we're doing tonight...maybe I should find out. :)

Easter Show...

What to do on Good Friday? I went to the Royal Easter Show. Of course there were major crowds, but it was fun. I kind of love the atmosphere of agricultural shows. I got the info I needed for my assignment, and later in the day met up with Loz, Thea, Olivia, and of course little Jakey...who isn't so sure he likes goats but loved the huge Thomas the Tank Engine helium balloon! Lots to see, and buy, and eat...I'm so tired and my feet are quite sore now but I can't sleep...we found out that someone tried to break into our house which is just creepy. I don't want to go into too much detail but it just makes me sad to think anyone would do that, especially in a family area like this, and on Good Friday when we're supposed to be reflecting on Christ's death and resurrection. Even if you don't believe in that, there's gotta be a better life than stealing...and have some respect! :(

I finally decorated!

Today's classes were canceled due to my teacher being sick, so I guess I'm officially on holidays now! I feel so lost! I have some reading to do and things after Easter, but as for today...hmm. I wasn't sure. So I ended up doing everything I was going to do tomorrow, today. As for what I will do tomorrow now, who knows. But I decorated, as you can see above! Yay!